It’s unavoidable. There’s nothing we can do about it. We simply cannot get through life without traveling down the road with grief. There it is.
Eight months ago I watched my favourite person take his last breath. My husband of 35 years gone.
The one who hugged me first thing every morning for at least 30 seconds because he read it releases oxytocin and lowers stress.
The one who brought me coffee in bed when he woke up first, gave me flowers for no reason and told me every single day he loved me.
Grief is complicated. And I had no idea it can be so damn physical. Aches & pains, brain fog, rumbling gut, anxiety, exhaustion, shortness of breath, insomnia and lack of appetite. To allay my fears the doctor ordered complete blood work and an ECG. All results were normal. Definitely not a word I’d use to describe myself even in the best of times.
Being a writer my first line of defence is to research. Scrolling through Pinterest I tumbled into a wormhole of memes about grief. A few resonated but most had me rolling my eyes. Ugh. Could they be any more cliched? And I’ve never been a fan of rhyming poetry.
“When the student is ready the teacher will appear.” The origin of this quote is highly debated but I believe it. Books, songs, movies and people come to me serendipitously. Those rare mindful moments when I’m not a whirling dervish with a hundred things on the go.
A friend sent me a book of meditations A Time to Grieve by Carol Staudacher. It’s the kind of book you can open to any page. Yes, this meditation feels right today or no, I’m not anywhere near ready for that one as I slam the book shut. This book is a gentle reminder grief isn’t something to rush or get over. I’m finding there aren’t as many days of one step forward and three steps back.
Taking care of the mind/body connection I’m practicing yoga, meditating, journalling and seeing a psychologist. The bullshit meter is strong with this one. She pokes and prods and gets to the crux of what’s keeping me up in the middle of the night. Forces me to categorize what I have control over and what I do not. Reminds me I’ve got an incredible support system and plenty of tools to deal with fears and insecurities.
On my best days I’m making plans and moving forward. On wobbly days it’s tears over song lyrics and not able to finish the simplest task. On those days the hugs I get from my grandsons are a balm.
Every single day I’m coping and stronger than I’ve ever given myself credit for. For now that’s enough.
Hugs from the beach…
At Water's Edge Ventures 
I feel for you.😢
A friend who lost her husband and life partner suddenly shared this with me when I was also bereaved.
The 365 Days of Healing come as emails. Little thoughts and messages, things to ponder and reflections on loss and coping with it.
The daily emails helped me confront my loss every day – in a gentle way.
Maybe it will help you, too.
Scroll down the page to sign up.
https://www.mcvfuneralhomes.com/
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Thank you Helen — I’ve just signed up for the daily emails.
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Hi Helen, thank you for sending me this link. I’ve been reading the posts everyday and they are helpful. I’m sorry for your loss. A club none of us want to belong to but can’t avoid. Wishing you all the best on your healing journey. Hugs from the beach ❤️
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Oh my dear sister K, my heart aches reading this…The 10th was 9 yrs since hubby’s youngest died. I felt helpless …no way to comfort him even after 9 years. His grief hung over the house for the day. I cannot imagine what you are living with. And even though we live miles apart, rarely does a day go by without thinking of you, and Chris, and all the wonderful times we had on the Island. Im glad you have such a strong support team, know we all love you. I invite you to come see us, but the cat thing, lol may not work. We love you Karen…. I promise I wont be such a stranger..even tho me and Facebook have split as it were. Love you. So glad you have Meagan and the mob there…big hugs. M On Fri, Mar 12, 2021 at 2:44 PM At Water’s Edge Ventures wrote:
> orcaland posted: ” It’s unavoidable. There’s nothing we can do about it. > We simply cannot get through life without traveling down the road with > grief. There it is. Eight months ago I watched my favourite person take his > last breath. My husband of 35 years gone” >
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Thank you my friend. There are so many great memories with you and John on the North Island and when we saw you in Alberta. I know you’re not on Facebook anymore but we can be email pen pals ❤️ Love & hugs from the beach
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